i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
