I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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