awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
