I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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