I'm going to jail i love you
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
