Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
