Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
