how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
