Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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