My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
