Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
