i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
