I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
