what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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