Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
