I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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