i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
