i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
