I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Randomize
