ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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