Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
