Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
