Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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