All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
