i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
