I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
