We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
there's paper in my vomit.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
