and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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