dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
