You really coming over, don't trick.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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