No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
