so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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