So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
