accomplished twins. life is a go
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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