hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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