boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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