he was CRYING into my vagina
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
