just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
