So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
