i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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