I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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