i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
