Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
