Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
