He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
