a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
