I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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