There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
