mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
