my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
