let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
