Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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