The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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